


Love for the Lost and the Desperate

by Unicorn (Jensee)



Series: Tumblr Mini-fics [5]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Depression, Idiots in Love, Like so much angst, M/M, Mention of Suicidal Tendencies, Near death aftermath, Other, oh yeah also some of Juno's reaction are definitly due to past abuse ahah, this is depressing wtf, very sad lady
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 09:48:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16490309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jensee/pseuds/Unicorn
Summary: Juno falls off a building. Peter deals with the aftermath. They're not quite as okay as they'd both like to be.





	Love for the Lost and the Desperate

**Author's Note:**

> Got prompted by A-random-fandom-friend on tumblr for "Why are you like this", I jumped on the occasion to make a super angsty thing.
> 
> Editing it has been painful and I had forgotten just how sad this was omg

Juno woke up slowly. He could hear the bips and hums of machines all around him in the dark and feel an itching on his left wrist.

Hospital then. Must have done something to have landed him in one this time. He couldn’t remember what, though.

He tried to open his eyes, pushing his heavy, sticky eyelids up with difficulty.

“Juno?”

This voice… with an herculeean effort, Juno opened his eyes the rest of the way, and turned them towards Peter Nureyev.

His heart jumped slightly at seeing the man’s face, betrayed by a monitor which let out an accompanying ominious bip.

“Juno. How do you feel?”

Peter looked tired and worn and his voice was hoarse. His eyes were decorated by purple shadows, and slightly red as if he had forced himself to keep them open for too long.  
He was so handsome Juno might just have stopped breathing for a second.

“’M fine.” He mumbled, as well as he could around his lead-laced tongue.

Peter huffed soflty, but his smile was just as tired as the rest of him and he didn’t really seem as relieved as he usually was to see Juno breath in a non life-threatening way.

The PI pushed through the awfully raspy feeling in his mouth to ask:

“What happened?”

Nureyev looks somewhat surprised.

“You don’t remember?”

Before Juno could respond anything to that, he huffed, the smile on his face becoming crooked and bitter.

“Of course you don’t.”

“It seems that last night you were working on a case, and drinking, when you suddenly found a lead, and decided it was a good idea to try and scale a building while drunk. Because that is not anything anyone in their right mind would recommend, you fell, and miraculously only dislocated your shoulder and knocked yourself out.”

That... checked out with the pain Juno could feel in his left arm.

“Did you… catch me?”

Nureyev looked at him out the corner of his eyes.

“I didn’t. I was too far.”

“Oh.”

Peter averted his eyes to train them on Juno’s hands resting on the PI’s lap, and Juno, for once, didn't know what to say.

He had found a lead, hadn’t he? He did remember working on a case, the kidnapping of a teenage mafia kid. It had been… it had been…!

“The step-mother! She didn’t want him to inherit the family business. Nureyev, did you…”

“Juno!”

It wass almost a shout, and Juno stopped despite himself.

“Juno… can you… not? Please.” And he would have protested, except Nureyev sounded defeated, and he still wasn’t looking at him.

Once again, Juno was at a loss for words.

“Hey… um… are you okay?”

“Of course I’m not okay!” Nureyev hissed.

Immediatly, the worst scenarios unfolded in Juno’s mind.

“Did something happen? Did a job go wrong? What did they do…”

“Juno.”

And Nureyev sounded so _so_ tired, Juno’s throat constricted on itself.

“ _Nothing_ happened to me. I had a job, which went fine, and I thought I’d try and come back to Mars. To the one I love, to _you_. Only to find you dangling off a building. I couldn’t even help you.”

“Oh. Well, I mean it’s not so bad. You said it yourself, I got…”

“It doesn’t matter that you got lucky Juno!”

Nureyev rounded on him, looking tired, angry, almost desperate, and Juno had to make a conscious effort not to flinch.

“You won’t always get lucky! You won’t always set yourself up for disaster only for a massive tool of destruction not to affect you.”

“Is this what this is about, because I…”

“This is about you!”

Nureyev actually climbed on the bed then, straddling Juno’s lap to cup his face, the motion looking violent but the actual movement of his fingers against Juno’s throat soft and loving.

“This is about you, you impossible gorgeous idiot!”

Nureyev… Nureyev is crying.

“Hey, don’t…”

“I love you Juno!”

Juno’s breath catched in his throat.

“I love you.” Nureyev repeated. “I gave you my name, don’t you know what that means?”

Juno didn’t, not really. He could only look into Nureyev’s eyes, those eyes that were pleading him for something he wasn't sure he could give.

The thief rests his forehead against Juno’s, closing his eyes as if the ignorance in his eyes was too much for him to bear.

“You’re the only reason Peter Nureyev exists, Juno… You’re the only thing keeping me alive. No matter what we both pretend, you’re my beacon. You’re… home to me.” His voice became a whisper, and Juno could hear the words of a half-forgotten teenage terrorist. “You’re the only reason I don’t just… disappear.”

Juno could feel wetness on his own cheeks. Whether it came from Nureyev’s eyes or his own was a mystery.

“Please don’t take it away from me.”

Juno’s heart plummeted.

Oh.

Oh. This was what this was about.

“I know it’s unfair to ask that of you. I know I just barged into your life, but, Juno,  _please._ I can’t keep on watching you casting it away.”

Juno felt hollow, weightless as if only Peter’s hands on him were keeping him from leaving Mars’ gravity.

He had a vision of himself, shocked into stillness in the arms of the most wonderful thief of the universe.

“I can’t.” It sounded so simple, as if it wasn’t what was keeping on destroying his semblance of life. “I can’t promise you that.”

Peter’s grip on him tightened until it felt like pinpricks of pain, like the claws of life that somehow managed to hang on to Juno Steel. He doesn’t mind. If only it had been enough to keep him tethered he would have accepted much more pain from Peter Nureyev.

“I know.” The thief whispered. His hands wrapped around Juno’s torso, embracing him fully. He didn’t say it was okay, because it wasn't. He didn’t say anything for a long time, because they both knew they had said what there had been to say.

There was a barrage at Juno’s throat, barring the exit of a torrent of words. _It’s not fair_ he wanted to say. _Why are you doing this. Why are you making me feel this way. Why can’t I just be happy. Why am I like this. Why are we like this._ Only a few tears escaped him and he hid them in Peter’s throat, inhaling his scent.

“I’ll come back.” Peter said eventually. “I’ll always come back.”

The words that wanted to leave Juno’s mouth were bitter and mean, so he pressed deeper into Nureyev’s skin to keep them hidden.

They didn’t look at each other’s face. Juno wasn't sure he could handle it right then. Instead, they pressed against one another to protect themselves, against the big mean world.  
Juno kept his head tucked against Peter’s chest as they laid back against the bed, and they waited. At this point that’s all they had together: wait for the worst to pass and for the the world to be right again.

 

When Juno came to again, there was no trace of Nureyev, only a lingering scent on the air. He wasn't surprised.

Outside, it was night again and Juno could see a bit of sky through the hospital’s window. There used to be no stars in Juno Steel’s life, he thought. Now, each of them shone with possibilities and stories in the wake of an impossible man. An impossibility named Peter Nureyev.

For now, Juno thought, I can’t reach them, but there’s hope yet.


End file.
